Out of the Depths

For those of you who know me well, you know that I love music. Worship is my favorite love language to the Lord, and so when I come across a new worship song that thrills my soul I can't wait to share it with my loved ones!! Our church is doing a series on the Psalms, (which has been fabulous, by the way) and all of the worship songs we have been singing are based on those poetic masterpieces!! I wanted to share the lyrics of my new favorite, called Out of the Depths. The song can be downloaded on Itunes or at Sovereign Grace Music, under the album, Pslams. I hope the words minister to your heart, as they do mine!

Out of the Depths

(Psalm 130)

Out of the depths, O Lord, I cry to You

When I am tempted to despair

Though I might fail to trust Your promises

You never fail to hear my prayer

And if You judged my sin

I’d never stand again

But I see mercy in Your hands

So more than watchmen for the morning

I will wait for You, my God

When my fears come with no warning

In Your Word I’ll put my trust

When the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit

I will wait, I will wait for You

The secret mysteries belong to You

We only know what You reveal

And all my questions that are unresolved

Don’t change the wisdom of Your will

In every trial and loss

My hope is in the cross

Where Your compassions never fail

The new do

Well, despite fitting the perfect profile of a blond.....I decided to go back to my natural roots! With a little push from the reality of our budget......and the fact that we are trying to get pregnant and need to stay away from harsh chemicals I decided to say goodbye to blond highlights!!! (At least for a while....hehehe.) Please forgive the awkward...never turns out good....take the picture yourself in the mirror pose. We are hoping to have my mom take our family pictures in the near future just in time for Christmas Cards!!! Hope you all are enjoying the blessings of the Holiday Season!!

While I wait

I have never been good at waiting. Patience is something I have to work at and pray for. When I am patient, I know full well that it is only by the Grace of God, because everything in my flesh wants things to happen fast!! When my doctor informed me after our miscarriage that some physicians suggest waiting at least three months before trying again.....my first thought was, "THREE MONTHS!!!!!!" It seemed like an eternity. I know this is laughable, and pitiful at best, but it's true. I wanted to be pregnant again ASAP! It has been four months since we lost baby Tres, and every day I humbly ask the Lord to bless us with another healthy baby......and every day I ask the Lord, "what will you have me do as I wait". My sweet sister in law sent me a song the other day that blessed me and ministered to my impatient heart. The song said "I will worship as I wait, trust you as I wait, stand confident as I wait." I find comfort knowing that God is Sovereign and that each day he is giving me the Grace to be content and to look to Him. I know that He has plans for me this day, even as I wait.

Just me and you babe!

This past weekend Brett and I were so blessed to be able to enjoy the weekend, just the two of us! Totally kid free from Friday at noon untill Sunday afternoon! To be honest with you, after sending the kiddos on their way with Nana , I almost didn't know what to do with myself!! I enjoyed some leisure time by doing some shopping and going on a run. It was fabulous!!! The whole weekend was relaxing and fun. I really feel like God used it to draw Brett and I closer to each other, and closer to Him. Friday night we decided to try out Conners after discovering that Olive Garden had a line the size of Texas!! It was good food and a pretty romantic atmosphere! We enjoyed lots of laughs at Tyler Perry's new movie "I can do bad all by myself". We had a blast with Julie and Randy Doss at Red Robin and the football game. But one of my favorite experiences of the whole weekend was Sunday after church, we wandered downtown to venture out and try a new place to eat. We had a gift card to Nama's Sushi Bar, which at first wasnt all that exciting since I had never eaten sushi, nor had any desire to eat sushi. But being the wonderful husband Brett is, he urged me to be brave and branch out. I am soooooooooo thankful he did!!!! It was delicious!!! And so much fun trying something new! I am so greatful that we have opportunities like these, with the help of wonderful family who is always willing to lend a helping hand. My mother always told me that the best gift that we could give our children was a good marriage. And this weekend helped develop that gift!

It's not a cold...

It has been 9 week since we lost our precious baby, and I still cry. Not every day, but some days. I will hear a sad song, or see baby boy's clothing, and it will hit me all over again. Some days I wonder what he would have looked like, who he would have taken after. I'm so comforted knowing that some day I will get an answer to all of these questions, but my impatient heart finds it so hard to wait. Some days I feel cheated out of memories, and to most of the world they probably find it hard to understand how I could be so attached to memories I never had. I'm finding healing in reading about other women who have walked this rocky road before me, their stories help me heal, and help me to fight the feelings of isolation that cloud my heart. My dear sweet friends are helping me as well, checking in on me every now and again, asking how I'm doing, and not being satisfied with a cordial "fine". One such friend helped me the other day as I was complaining about not being able to get over my loss. I had felt like it was time to move on, time to get over it. She gently and graciously reminded me "it's not a cold.....not something you get over." The Lord is showing me that I will never be the same.........life will never be the same. But He is also showing me that He is faithful. As I pour out my heart in desperation to Him, He will continually pour out His love and mercy. My prayer today.....Lord make this something beautiful. Use this for your Glory.......use my tears of sadness to remind me how much I need you......make this something beautiful.

Almost forgot....

After enjoying a quiet moment while the girls nap, I decided to catch up on some friendly blogs. After seeing how diligent my friends are at keeping their blogs current and updated I remembered that I actually have a blog!! I couldnt even remember the last thing I posted or how long it had been since I looked at it. Months have gone by and I don't think I have given my blog once single thought.....so to my blog.....and to the two people who probably read it....I apologize. The past several months have been some of the most significant in my life. In May of 2009, I began running again. Some of you may know that I ran cross country and track in high school, and running has given me so much joy!! At the end of May I completed my first 5K in 8 years! I hope and pray I will be able to do many more in the future. May was also a joyfull and exciting month because Brett and I learned that we were pregnant with our 3rd child. We had not planned on getting pregnant again quite yet, but we knew we wanted a 3rd, so we were thrilled and excited!! We immediatly told friends and family because lets face it...I'm not known for keeping secrets. I knew that this pregnancy would go by fast because we had lots of fun events coming up.....one of which included my big brother getting married!!! Jay and I have always been extremely close, and his wedding day was something that I had been praying about for years and years! The trip to Texas for the big day was a long one....we drove straight through the night for 14 hours but finally made it to Houston. The weekend was wonderful, we enjoyed every minute of the preparations, and the ceremony and reception were fabulous! It was an amazing party that I will never forget. I had the blessing of singing in the wedding a song that is very dear to my heart. I enjoyed the wedding as well because I finally looked pregnant!! My belly was quite big and people started coming up to me and rubbing my belly like they knew me! I enjoyed the attention, and really enjoyed any chance I got to talk about our precious baby. When the party was over, we headed back home, only to face heartache and devestation. The same night that we arrived back home I started bleeding. I was just past my first trimester so it never occured to me that a miscarriage was possible. Following the advice from my mom I went ahead and called the doctor and they sent me to the ER. After several hours of exams and an ultrasound the doctor walked into the room and asked my how far along I was. I told him I was over 12 weeks......he asked if I was sure. What in the world do you mean am I sure, I thought! He must be crazy! Of course I knew I was sure.........he went on to tell me that the baby was only measuring at 9 weeks......and that there was no heart beat. I was so devestated and shocked. After having two healthy girls I never thought a miscarriage could happen to me. They sent me home to miscarry naturally....and after a week of waiting Brett and I decided it would be best to have a D and C. Looking back on that month I can honestly say it was the worst time of my life. I've never gone through anything so heartbreaking and confusing. But even through the midst of darkness and sadness we know that our Heavenly Father never left our side. We were so blessed by family and friends loving on us and supporting us through our grieving. I learned what it truly meant to live on Grace alone.....because I certainly did not have any strength of my own to get through it. Brett and I have had our marriage strengthened through our pain, and I have watched him step up to the plate and lead our family the way God has called Him to. God has been faithful to me, even when I don't understand whats going on. So here we are in August picking up the peices and waiting to see what's next for our family. In the mean time Ellie is starting her homeschool preschool. We are starting slow but so far she loves it!!! I promise to try and not forget that I have a blog in the future!! Hopefully I can keep (all two) of my readers posted on the happenings in the Life of a Katyebug...

Till's House!

With our master bathroom under construction I thought it would be a wonderful time to go visit my sweet Mamatill. My dad came with us to lend a helping hand, and we spent the week visiting parks and laughing with family. It brought Mamatill such joy after the storm of loosing Daddy Gob.

Daddy getting ready to say bye to his girls for the week
Ava trying on Papa Johns hat

Ava playing outside

Elle playing on the tire swing

Mamatill and her sweet Ava

I'm still here!!!

Wow where do I being, it has been waaaaay too long since I updated my blog, so naturally there is alot to discuss!!! February has been a month full of celebration.....overcoming trials....staying completely busy.....and wonderful family time! I turned 27 this month and turning a year older came with way too much chocolate as well as lots of internal evaluation. The girls and I have stayed busy searching for the perfect flower girl dress for my brothers wedding. Brett and I have been busy searching for affordably and beautiful bathroom fixtures for our new bathroom. And we all have been searching for opportunities to get outside!!! We are definetly ready for spring at our house. With all the errands, celebrations, and running around I'm reminded to slow down and be still before the Lord to give Him honor where honor is due!! We have been so blessed not only with things like Brett getting a new job, provision for better health care, and birthday gifts.....but my sweet Heavenly father has blessed me with unseen blessings in my marriage and family! Even amongst the most whirl wind of times, God whispers His sweet love to me and I'm so thankful!!! Here are a few pictures to catch you up on the past month.

The beautiful flower girls!!

Ava is just getting so big!!!!

Ellie always love an opportunity to snuggle Macy

Ava looking way to serious with her soccer ball

Ellie and our friends son, baby Neil

Daddy reading to his girls

Christmas Joy!!!

I know this is a bit late but I wanted to share some pictures of our wonderful Christmas!!! The weeks leading to Christmas were filled with trials and pain. The girls were sick, Daddy Gob passed away....it was long and lonely. But the Bible tells me that joy comes in the morning....and that He will turn our tears of sorrow into tears of joy. The Christmas season reunited us with loved ones and brought so much joy and laughter! Here are a few pictures. Enjoy!!

Here is our sweet Ava in her Santa Hat

Ellie opening up some of her presents

Ava enjoying her new slippers and pillow seat

The girls and I are all snuggled up to watching the Grinch..a Daddy Gob tradition

Brett read the First Christmas story to the girls

I thought this was an adorable picture...my girls love books

Sweet sisters