It has been 9 week since we lost our precious baby, and I still cry. Not every day, but some days. I will hear a sad song, or see baby boy's clothing, and it will hit me all over again. Some days I wonder what he would have looked like, who he would have taken after. I'm so comforted knowing that some day I will get an answer to all of these questions, but my impatient heart finds it so hard to wait. Some days I feel cheated out of memories, and to most of the world they probably find it hard to understand how I could be so attached to memories I never had. I'm finding healing in reading about other women who have walked this rocky road before me, their stories help me heal, and help me to fight the feelings of isolation that cloud my heart. My dear sweet friends are helping me as well, checking in on me every now and again, asking how I'm doing, and not being satisfied with a cordial "fine". One such friend helped me the other day as I was complaining about not being able to get over my loss. I had felt like it was time to move on, time to get over it. She gently and graciously reminded me "it's not a cold.....not something you get over." The Lord is showing me that I will never be the same.........life will never be the same. But He is also showing me that He is faithful. As I pour out my heart in desperation to Him, He will continually pour out His love and mercy. My prayer today.....Lord make this something beautiful. Use this for your Glory.......use my tears of sadness to remind me how much I need you......make this something beautiful.
3 comments:
I found your blog today through fb. I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss. I don't know any details of it, but details are not necessary. Don't know if you know or not, but we lost our first baby to miscarriage at 10 weeks. I grieved for months and still grieve at times. I truly helped once we have had children but for months I would cry just as you have... when seeing other pregnant women, baby clothing, watching decorating shows on tv that highlighted nurseries... my heart aches for you with this loss, Katie. Know you are not alone. I am so glad to hear you have sweet friends who are making sure you are not stuffing your feelings and are allowing you to be real with your grief. God's blessings on your family.
Sweet Katie. That was a beautiful blog. Please know there is nothing wrong in grief when it is given to the Lord. I too have struggled through the same things you have. Your heart is turned towards the Lord and that is a beautiful thing. I love you sweet heart and the Lord loves you more!
Thank you sweet Katie! You have helped me in more ways that you can imagine. I read your post about being a mom and some day I hope to be a wonderful mother like you. Our babies are playing in Heaven together, God has a plan for all of us, we need to continue to believe in him and pray.
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