Crazy Chaos!!!!

Look at that sweet face........how could you resist????? That is exactly what Brett was thinking when he coaxed me into coming downtown to the Animal Shelter last friday afternoon. Of course as soon as I saw this cute lil guy I was hooked. All of my reasoning and clear thinking went out the window. Earlier in the day I had said things to Brett like "we already have a dog...." "I am pregnant....." "I have been throwing up all day how do you expect me to clean up after a puppy". But of course, once I got in the same room as this adorable face, my heart melted and all of my rational thinking was gone. So here we are, a family of four, with one on the way, and two dogs. I must admit I have had some meltdown tantrums (I blame hormones.......ok and my sin....) and cleaning up puppy pee and poop has proved to be extremely difficult, still being so sick. But at the end of the day we are tickled to have our lil guy with us. We named him Jet, and all though he is still presenting lots of challenges he is just as sweet as can be!

Here we go again!!!!!

After months of trying.........and being told that we may not be able to have any more children.......we are pregnant!!!!!!!! Being pregnant for the fourth time has been very different than the first three. With each of my other pregnancies I enjoyed every minute, never once thinking that anything would ever go wrong. Sadly, pregnancy number 3 proved me wrong, and so this time around I find myself much more guarded. After finding out that we were expecting for the fourth time I found myself having thoughts like, "well we will just wait and see.....maybe we will have a baby.....maybe not." I have found myself feeling every little symptom and trying desperately to grasp on to understanding of what it means. Every time I feel a slight cramp I think "oh no is this another miscarriage?" Anytime I feel morning sickness (more like all day long sickness.....) I think "ok this is good....things must be going well inside there...". Despite all my irrational thinking and fears we are beyond thrilled to be pregnant again! God has proven faithful to us and we are trusting Him on a daily basis. His grace is sufficient to move me past my fears, and his holy word has helped me to calm my anxieties. Here we go again!!!!!!!!

A Tearful Birthday

Today, January 20, 2010 was suppose to be a very special day. It was suppose to be a day of excitement, joy, and relief. I was suppose to give birth to our third child, hold him in my arms, give him his "official" name (we lovingly and playfully call him baby tres) , and keep him close to my heart. He left us much to early, without explanation or cause. Even though I never got to see the color of his hair, the sweetness of his smile, or the pureness of his eyes, I miss him terribly. Today I longed to hold my child, more than I have ever wanted anything. I was completely loved and comforted by amazing friends who walked with me through my pain. They loved me well and provided hugs and comfort. More importantly my precious Saviour has walked with me through this trial, provided his unending peace, and given me grace and strength to make it through the day. I am thankful for His word that promises that the Lord is close to the broken hearted. Happy Birthday my sweet child.

Out of the Depths

For those of you who know me well, you know that I love music. Worship is my favorite love language to the Lord, and so when I come across a new worship song that thrills my soul I can't wait to share it with my loved ones!! Our church is doing a series on the Psalms, (which has been fabulous, by the way) and all of the worship songs we have been singing are based on those poetic masterpieces!! I wanted to share the lyrics of my new favorite, called Out of the Depths. The song can be downloaded on Itunes or at Sovereign Grace Music, under the album, Pslams. I hope the words minister to your heart, as they do mine!

Out of the Depths

(Psalm 130)

Out of the depths, O Lord, I cry to You

When I am tempted to despair

Though I might fail to trust Your promises

You never fail to hear my prayer

And if You judged my sin

I’d never stand again

But I see mercy in Your hands

So more than watchmen for the morning

I will wait for You, my God

When my fears come with no warning

In Your Word I’ll put my trust

When the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit

I will wait, I will wait for You

The secret mysteries belong to You

We only know what You reveal

And all my questions that are unresolved

Don’t change the wisdom of Your will

In every trial and loss

My hope is in the cross

Where Your compassions never fail

The new do

Well, despite fitting the perfect profile of a blond.....I decided to go back to my natural roots! With a little push from the reality of our budget......and the fact that we are trying to get pregnant and need to stay away from harsh chemicals I decided to say goodbye to blond highlights!!! (At least for a while....hehehe.) Please forgive the awkward...never turns out good....take the picture yourself in the mirror pose. We are hoping to have my mom take our family pictures in the near future just in time for Christmas Cards!!! Hope you all are enjoying the blessings of the Holiday Season!!

While I wait

I have never been good at waiting. Patience is something I have to work at and pray for. When I am patient, I know full well that it is only by the Grace of God, because everything in my flesh wants things to happen fast!! When my doctor informed me after our miscarriage that some physicians suggest waiting at least three months before trying again.....my first thought was, "THREE MONTHS!!!!!!" It seemed like an eternity. I know this is laughable, and pitiful at best, but it's true. I wanted to be pregnant again ASAP! It has been four months since we lost baby Tres, and every day I humbly ask the Lord to bless us with another healthy baby......and every day I ask the Lord, "what will you have me do as I wait". My sweet sister in law sent me a song the other day that blessed me and ministered to my impatient heart. The song said "I will worship as I wait, trust you as I wait, stand confident as I wait." I find comfort knowing that God is Sovereign and that each day he is giving me the Grace to be content and to look to Him. I know that He has plans for me this day, even as I wait.